Give Them A Say
On some level and in an age-appropriate way, it is important to make sure that the needs of your kids are considered and influence what happens with custody arrangements. But the kids are kids; they are not in charge and should not be pressured or bullied. If the adults cannot agree on how to shape the parenting plan in service to the child, there are processes used by the courts. Eventually, the judge will seek to know the reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference. That does not mean you should interrogate your children. There is a right way, and there are many very wrong ways, to seek input. Do not attempt this without guidance from an experienced divorce attorney or a counselor who knows your children.